Ibogaine.org.nz

I went to Mexico to try ibogaine to get clean after 6 years on and off opiate and methamphetamine abuse,  the last 2 years had been hardcore opiate addiction. I was 21.  I had been to the most expensive rehab centres in NZ, only to run away. I felt as though my life was ruined. My family couldnt stand to be around me. I couldn’t stop.

A friend of mine had heard about ibogaine treatment, and wanted to help.  I couldnt find treatment in NZ, so a couple of weeks later, we were on our way to Mexico.

I still found it hard to believe this was going to work. But the vibrant happy people who met me at the airport made me feel positive, I could do this!

On Wednesday 18th of April 08, at around 6.30pm I started my treatment.  About an hour later an intense buzzing was persistent in my mind. What followed was a strange feeling, as though my insides were being scrubbed clean. The night was a blur. The next day i felt very fragile and confused. I spent the day rather quietly trying to work out what was happening to me.

That night i slept a little, and when I arose the following morning, it all became clear, i had been 48hrs without opiates, and i was not in withdrawl! My life was not ruined. My life had got me to where i am today. It had not been a waste. What an ecstatic feeling! I laughed to myself and watched the day begin.

The weeks following this experience were a very special time. I had no desire to use drugs, I felt as though i was learning to live again. I had stepped out of the darkness into the light. And it was blindingly beautiful.

Its now been almost a year and a half since I last used opiates and the craving to use drugs has not reared its ugly head.   I am happy, a mother to a wonderful little boy, and getting on with my life,  I owe it all to the strength ibogaine gave me to face my demons.

Ibogaine should be an option for those struggling with their own demons.  Lets make that option a reality here in New Zealand.

In the middle of 1993, I was involved in a motor vehicle accident. My
injuries were not picked up at the time. I was a hairdressing
apprentice, and not long after the accident, I opened my own hair
salon. After continued hairdressing, I found my pain getting worse. Up
until this stage I was pursuing physiotherapy and acupuncture to
assist with keeping my pain under control. Eventually the pain became
too much and under further investigation it was found that I needed a
shoulder operation. This resulted in me having to sell my salon as I
could no longer do the work I was doing. It was around this time I
discovered opiates. I began injecting morphine on a daily basis to
kill the pain. It wasn’t long before I had developed a physical
dependency. I had underlying issues with depression due to the loss of
my Father 2 yrs prior and also the loss of my career. My drug use was
very detrimental to my psychological state. I ended up on the
methadone maintenance program for 8 years. It was extremely hard to
function. I knew the only option I had was to cease using opiates. I
tried a few times to decrease my dosage, sometimes successfully,
however not to a level where I could safely stop altogether. I had two
sons I was caring for that needed their mum. The shame and
helplessness was totally overwhelming. At my worst I was taking 120
mgs of methadone a day, as well as a high dose of anti-depressants. I
was diagnosed with ptsd. I was fortunate to have a friend come and see
me and tell me I had another option in the form of ibogaine. I found
it hard to believe, something that I could take once and not have the
debilitating withdrawals usually associated with methadone detox. I
began my own research into its viability. Four months later I stopped
my methadone, at that stage I was taking 74 mgs a day. The fear was
huge, having detoxed in the past and knowing how much pain, nausea and
emotional trauma I was facing. I had to try and go without methadone
for as long as possible before taking the ibogaine. It was horrible.
My temperature was up and down, my body ached so much I couldn’t sit
still without being in fetal position. I lasted about 28 hours before
taking ibogaine. Given the uncomfortable state I was already in and
the fear of what was to come, I was very scared. I knew some of what
to expect, however I found it hard to just let the ibogaine do it’s
thing. Once I finally ‘let go’ it was unreal. One of the first things
I can remember is visualizing a black sky which had a spiral of stars
in the middle. Beside the spiral was a Tui, it was coaxing me to go
forward into the stars. The pain and withdrawal I was feeling
dissipated, my body felt quite numb. It was almost like I had left my
body behind, and was taken on a journey through experiences in my life
that had caused me hurt and trauma. I was seeing it all in a new
context, without guilt and shame, and with empathy and understanding.
It was as if I was another person seeing Tanea’s life like a chopped
up movie. Visions would pass by my eyes and give me insight, without
the overwhelming emotions that would usually cripple my mind and trick
me into self doubt, guilt and shame. At one stage I was with thie huge
group of people, it seemed I was in Africa. Everyone was playing
together, smiling and happy. There was about three generations all
together. It slowly changed into this huge spiral of life,
neverending, with all these beautiful faces, and every so often I
would see identical ones, like when a child is born that has perfect
traits and looks of one of their ancestors. I had visions of my Dad,
smiling down at me with acceptance and peace. I was in this intense
dream like state for hours. I did not move my body, however when I did
finally get up it was hard to walk. My body was drug free and needed
to almost reset itself. I felt like a tiny child waking up with new
skills. My withdrawals were minimal, a wee bit achy and fluctuating
temperature, but nothing like someone that stopped taking their
methadone around 72 hours prior. Sounds, colours and feelings were so
intense, they felt brand new and amazing. I had a sense of belonging
with the earth and people, which I hadn’t felt for many years. It took
a few days to realise the extent of what I’d been through and in fact
months to truly process everything that ibogaine had shown me. I was
drug free for the first time in years. I felt like I had a future
again, it gave me back my sense of self worth and self respect that
had long gone Ibogaine not only ceased the majority of my withdrawals
but took me on a journey into my mind and helped me release and accept
the psychological reasons why I ended up a drug addict. I still have
major pain issues due to my injuries, however I can handle them better
and find other ways besides drugs to deal with that. I am forever
grateful to my supports at the time and to ibogaine itself, for
without it I would still be stuck in the hell drug addiction can be.
Regards,
Tanea Paterson.
tanea.iboga@gmail.com